"Friend" refuses to stop scheduling work dinners at 20-year-old woman's second job, forcing her to waitress for coworkers until she stands up for herself: "She called me poor!"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Feb 24, 2025 8:00 PM EST

Welcome, women of the World Wide Web! Do you have any experience in the service industry? I certainly do, and I am of the opinion that everyone should have to waiter or waitress at least once in their life. You really learn how to treat others as both a customer and a worker. One thing that I never really liked was when friends or family came to dine while I was working. The dinner party hostess in me always wanted to treat my special guests to freebies, and it always felt wrong to bring people I know a big check. However, as a simple waitress, I couldn't do much without my manager's approval.

In our story today, a young woman working two jobs is not visited by her friends at her restaurant gig, but by her coworkers from her day job. The first time she is forced to take their orders and bring their food, she chalks it up to a fluke that ended in an awkward experience. However, when it starts to become a pattern, she confronts her work "friend" in charge of the reservations. Scroll down for the full story. 

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • 01

    AITA asking my friends stop scheduling workplace events at restaurant work at?

    "She said that I should just quit one of the jobs if I was so embarrassed"
    via Monkey Business Images

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    Me(20F) and Kamila (23F) work at the same place. We have been acquaintances for a long time but only got closer when I got hired in the start of last
    via u/Odd_Week4969
  • 03
    year. She is essentially my boss's assistant. Besides working here, in November I took a part time job in a restaurant where I work Friday nights, Saturdays, Sundays and Holidays.
    via u/Odd_Week4969
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10472263424
    via Denis Stankovic

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    My boss (52M i think) likes to host dinners for our whole office at least once a month or when we finish a really big project. Usually I can't make it so I don't pay a lot of attention to discussions about it. At the
    via u/Odd_Week4969
  • 06
    start of January, I realized that the dinner for the opening of the year was going to take place at the restaurant I work at. I talked with Kamila, she said she didn't realize but that it couldn't be changed since the reservations were already made.
    via u/Odd_Week4969
  • 07
    That dinner was awkward for me since my coworkers kept asking me to sit and eat with them and were kind of giving me weird looks (I think it was pity tbh). They left a huge tip which was both. cool and a bit embarrassing. Afterwards everyone
    via u/Odd_Week4969

  • It does feel really weird to serve people you know as a waiter or waitress. The worst part if bringing a check, charging them, and getting a tip. 

  • 08
    started treating me differently and my supervisor even pulled me aside to ask if everything was alright LOL they had good intentions but it was genuinely annoying for me especially since I don't talk much about my personal life at work.
    via u/Odd_Week4969
  • 09
    Cheezburger Image 10472263680
    via mihailomilovanovic

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 10
    The February dinner was set for the restaurant I worked at again. I asked Kamila about it and she just said that the boss really liked the place and there was nothing she could do.
    via u/Odd_Week4969
  • 11
    I decided to trade with one of the other workers in the restaurant that works in the back (he was previously a waiter) to try to avoid the awkwardness. I was not even one hour into my shift
    via u/Odd_Week4969
  • 12
    when the owner came in and informed me that I had to trade again because table 4 (the one with coworkers) asked for me. When I switched, Kamila made a joke about me hiding from them and everything was awkward again.
    via u/Odd_Week4969
  • 13
    Calendar September
    via Kaspars Grinvalds

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 14
    After that, I sent a text to Kamila asking if she would please stop scheduling the dinners here. She said. that she couldn't and we had an argument. I said that she was being a bad friend and she said that I
    via u/Odd_Week4969
  • 15
    should just quit one of the jobs if I was so embarrassed of people from one workplace meeting me at the other. She also called me poor but she apologized for that LOL
    via u/Odd_Week4969

  • Our protagonist could really go HR for the “poor” comment alone. This totally feels targeted.

  • 16
    AITA here? I am obviously young so I don't know if I'm being immature. Kamila is upset at me.
    via u/Odd_Week4969
  • 17
    Chaoskitten13 ΝΤΑ She's doing this on purpose and she's not your friend. You shouldn't be put in a position to wait on your coworkers at a company event you should be attending yourself. There's nothing wrong with working at a restaurant, and she seems determined
    via u/Chaoskitten13
  • 18
    to make you feel like there is. Not to mention, you're 20. Of course you will be supplementing income however you can. This is about her insecurities, and she's putting you in a server role for these events on purpose.
    via u/Chaoskitten13
  • 19
    You should bypass her and go directly to your boss. I wouldnt be surprised if your "friend" is telling your boss that you appreciate them coming there. Explain that it really isn't fair to you to be put in a position to
    via u/Chaoskitten13
  • 20
    work an event that you should be attending. You are just as much a member of that team as anyone else at the table. You shouldn't be put in that position. Even if you can't make it, they should go to another restaurant so it's not rubbed in your face.
    via u/Chaoskitten13
  • 21
    They're not doing you a favor by having you wait on them and giving a nice tip. She's also making you appear not to be a team player to both of your jobs.
    via u/Chaoskitten13
  • 22
    You don't want to work those tables, and they're specifically requesting you. If you protest then it becomes an issue with the restaurant. If you don't sit down and join the team, it becomes awkward. You're in a no win situation.
    via u/Chaoskitten13
  • 23
    Odd_Week4969 OP thank you for your veredict, I will think about what you said!
    via u/Odd_Week4969
  • 24
    Cheetah Maximum6750 ChaosKitten is 100% correct. I spent many years working an office job and waiting tables at night. If my office co-workers were coming into my night gig repeatedly for celebrations that I couldn't attend because of work, I would be upset too. Once is a coincidence, but twice...?
    via u/CheetahMaximum6750
  • 25
    You've made your feelings known and your "friend" is completely disregarding them. It's time to take it to both your bosses. The restaurant manager shouldn't make you work table or party that makes you uncomfortable
    via u/CheetahMaximum6750
  • 26
    and your day boss should not be intruding on your night gig if it makes you uncomfortable. That's a line that's being crossed. You tried to compromise by moving to the BOH the 2nd time they came in and they should have respected that - at a bare minimum.
    via u/CheetahMaximum6750
  • 27
    L8_Apexx Very well said. Also for OP, wear your restaurant work as a badge of honor. You are hard working person at such a young age, and your family must be proud of you
    via u/L8_Apexx
  • 28
    HeartsAndStuff Ups NTA. Kamila is on a power trip. She is not your friend. This woman thinks you are beneath her and she wants everyone to see you that way. But also why can't these dinners be held on a night you're free? Why are you explicitly not part of it??
    via u/HeartsAndStuff
  • 29
    Odd_Week4969 OP Aside from the two jobs I sometimes pick up some gigs and also am taking an online degree in accounting, so I really don't have a lot of free time LOL I live with my brother but he has a family now so he can't really support me, so I'm just trying to survive at the moment haha but I was able to participate twice, it just usually doesn't work for me
    via u/Odd_Week4969
  • 30
    Effective-Round7334 This person is not your friend. She called you poor and has changed your workplace environment. Stop being a pushover. You can always tell your office boss that going to this restaurant is awkward for you and to stop having meetings there. If they insist don't work that night. Or refuse to serve them. Stand your ground on this.
    via u/Effective-Round7334
  • 31
    Nessie-and-a-dram NTA, but go talk to the boss directly. Let him know that you're glad he likes Restaurant but that's it's really awkward to serve your coworkers. Maybe he thinks he's helping you out, letting you be present for those diners, but just isn't seeing the consequences.
    via u/Nessie-and-a-dram
  • 32
    Amerdale13 Info: do you know for sure that Kamila would be able to chose another restaurant and that decision is not made by someone else in your company?
    via u/Amerdale13
  • 33
    Odd_Week4969 OP She is the one who books the restaurants and has been the one to pick the places every time, in fact most of the places they go to are just her list of favorite restaurants LMAO but of course, I can't know for sure if my boss just found out he really likes this one restaurant
    via u/Odd_Week4969
  • 34
    ProfessorShameless Your boss may think that, by having a table with your 'friendly coworkers', being left a large tip, and you not being able to attend these dinners because of this side job, you appreciate them
    via u/ProfessorShameless
  • 35
    coming to the restaurant you work at and is insisting on going there because of this assumption. It s ks that you're in this position, but you may have to communicate directly to him that you would rather these dinners not be held at your other place of work.
    via u/ProfessorShameless
  • 36
    ZtheRN NTA. It sounds like she's trying to shame you for having a second job. Maybe the boss and the rest of the team really did like the restaurant but it still seems weird to go there for two outings in a row.
    via u/ZtheRN
  • 37
    gringaellie Kamila isn't your friend. Next time they book, ask your restaurant boss for the evening off or swap shifts.
    via u/gringaellie

Tags

friendship boss toxic Female Empowerment coworkers friends reddit story relationships restaurant feminism workplace reddit thread red flag waitress Reddit girlboss
Scroll Down For The Next Article